# Making New Friends, in a New City as a Remote Worker > Recently I moved to Cologne, Germany. Read about the biggest challenge I now face – making new friends. *Published: 05 Oct 2018* *Tags: Guides* --- In September 2018 I moved to the city of [Cologne](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cologne) in Germany — the first time I’ve ever lived outside of Ireland. While I've always wanted to live in a new country, I must now do something I've struggled with throughout my entire adult life; making new friends. Back home in Ireland, most of my closest friends were made naturally, when I was young, somewhere between 5 and 15. Since then, I rarely felt the need to make more friends. ### Why? Perhaps it's because in situations where I must talk to a new person I struggle — often feeling uncomfortable and anxious, unsure of what to say. Or it might be because I've never felt the need to be surrounded by a big group of friends. But now I'm in a new country, that speaks a different language with the only person I know being my girlfriend. If I don't make new friends, I know that eventually, I will feel isolated and alone. Rather than letting this become a problem, I want to tackle it head on and use it as an opportunity for personal growth. While in Germany, I hope to make real friends, not just new acquaintances. I know this is going to be a challenge. [Research](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407518761225) has shown it can take at least 50 hours to forge a casual friendship and 200 for a close relationship. So to make this happen, I'll have to be persistent and find people who want to achieve a similar goal. The following is how I plan to approach making new friends in a new city. ## Always keep my goals in mind 1. Become more comfortable talking to strangers 2. Make real friends not just acquaintances ## Find people like me We all want to be friends with people who share the same interests. Therefore, I feel it makes sense to focus on going where other people like me will be. ### Co-working spaces Since I'll be working remotely, I believe that by having a dedicated co-working desk where I sit/stand most days, I'm likely to have an excellent opportunity to bond with fellow co-workers. ### Industry meetups/events Over the years I have gotten to know several people at design and tech events in Belfast. These events are great as everyone has a common interest in the subject matter and usually a desire to network. ### Expat meetups [InterNations](https://www.internations.org/) facilities various events for expats in cities around the world. A situation where every single person attending is looking to mingle with new people sounds perfect. ### Language classes I made lots of friends in school, taking a German class seems like a sensible way to meet people likely in a similar situation. Plus I badly need to learn German! ### Other ideas - **Talk to people on public transport** - I've seen people do this in the past but to be honest, when someone tries to talk to me on a bus I'm mortified. - **Carpool** - [BlaBlaCar](https://www.blablacar.com/) is quite prominent in Germany and presents a situation where you pretty much have to talk to someone - **Be neighbourly** - Try my best to be friendly and not just awkwardly walk past any new neighbours. ## Use 'tools' available to me to increase my chances ### Apps [Tinder](https://tinder.com/) is probably the best real-world relationship establishing app ever created. Unfortunately, I'm yet to find a Tinder for friends that has a large pool of people to meet, so for me none of the current tools effectively solves the problem. Hopefully a leader will emerge in my time here. ### New in City/Expat Online groups A quick search shows countless Facebook groups for new people to meet and chat. To utilise these channels I will need to start and contribute to discussions, something I also struggle to do online. ### Provide value to others I hope that if I share valuable, interesting things on the internet that it will make others interested in getting to know me. Even better I could speak at an industry event (another fear that needs to be conquered). ### Alcohol Ok, this one I don’t want to do, however it has worked well for me in the past. My level of comfort talking to new people increases immensely when I have partake in a few drinks. This is a crutch I don't want to lean on. I shouldn’t need alcohol to dilute my shyness. But alas I doubt that I will be able to avoid this crutch entirely. 🍻🇩🇪 ## In conclusion Making new friends is likely easy for lots of people, and they'll probably think this post is a bit over the top. But knowing myself, there's a chance I will take the easy route and avoid antagonising my anxieties by talking to strangers. So I'm hoping by publishing this article I will feel compelled to put the effort in. ### Do you have tips on how to meet new people? If you think I've missed anything, I'd appreciate it if you could [tweet me your tips](https://twitter.com/shylands/) on how to make friends in a new city.